Rediscovering 'Yoga for Depression'

I first encountered Amy Weintraub's ground-breaking book 'Yoga for Depression' in 2004 when I took a workshop led by Amy herself. I was so impressed by the experiential components of the workshop that I bought the book and Amy signed it.

I had been living in a fog of confusion and dampened spirits for some time. My relationship with my partner was at a stand still, one of his closest friends had died the year before from a sudden heart attack, and another of our friends was fighting stage four colon cancer. I lived each day feeling as though my head was encased in cotton. I was numb to everything around me. After a morning of breathing exercises and long holding of bridge pose and mountain pose, I felt inhabited by a childlike wonder and playfulness. I knew I had come across something extraordinary. I already deeply believed in yoga, but Amy's approach, called LifeForce Yoga, had tapped me on the shoulder.

I would love to be able to say that my life turned around over night and all was well. Call me a slow learner who over thinks every step, but all these years later I still haven't managed to take a training session in the technique.

I find myself battling with the blues again due to all of the adjustments of being a foreign country and struggling to find adequate work. I am deeply grateful for my yoga teaching work and for the other work that comes my way. Now as I read her book again, I am reminded to adjust my practice to incorporate more specific breathing exercises to awaken energy and contentment.

Amy holds workshops around the world and yesterday when I checked the calendar of her website, I saw that there will be a training in London from June 20 to 24. I've contacted the yoga studio and will soon receive all of the information. I want to find the means to go before I venture back to Canada for a long and needed visit.

If you find yourself suffering from the blues, I encourage you to check out Amy Weintraub's website at www.yogafordepression.com. It might just change your life.

Being Where You Are

I received a text message on Tuesday from a yoga teacher who has a full time teaching schedule asking whether I could substitute for her on Wednesday. I sometimes substitute for her when she has family matters to attend to (she has four children). She has three back-to-back 90 minute classes on Wednesdays, running from 9am to 2pm. The first and third classes are for students with osteoporosis and/or arthritis. Many of these students are very elderly and frail. I was so grateful for the opportunity to teach them. Their grace and determination greatly inspired me and re-affirmed my belief in yoga.

Here were these women, some of whom were in obvious pain, making the effort to do what they could do to open up their bodies. I was reminded how important it is to honour where you happen to be and nurture yourself through that kind of self acceptance and self compassion. Yoga is not about achieving the most gravity defying pose, it is about working within your present limitations without judgement and fear. Yoga is a process of stripping away the layers that accumulate and shield our inner knowing and capacity for joy and love. I saw this in action on Wednesday and felt a deep gratitude at the end of each class when my 'loaned' students thanked me for a wonderful experience.

Of course it was themselves they should really thank. They reaped the rewards of the class because they were present in their practice.

Working with the Wheel

The wheel refers to the yoga posture--a deep backbend that requires flexibility and strength in both the lumbar and cervical spine and shoulders. The wheel is one of the 12 poses I will be working on this year towards my goal of working on postures that I habitually avoid.

I tried working with a fitness ball yesterday at the gym. I thought that lying on the ball with it positioned under my upper back was a good preparation to opening the muscles in my back. I followed this with three attempts with my wrists aligned against the wall on top of a pilates matt. The wall support was very helpful in stablising my arms, but I couldn't quite achieve the lift I required to get into the full pose. I realized that my left shoulder is a little stuck in this extension. The next attempt I will try using a strap around my arms to keep them in alignment and work on opening up the shoulder.

I was amazed by the psychological / emotional effects, even though I have not yet achieved the full pose. There was the physical rush of blood from the intense effort, but afterwards I felt a surge of energy. I can well understand why the pose is recommended for depression.

This is the year I stop feeling like I am an imposter because I not perfect. This is the year of deep learning and acceptance. The journey is the goal.

True joy comes from within, not from external circumstances.

Roots

I've been thinking a lot about trees. I spent many years living in British Columbia, Canada before I moved to Denmark. I miss the towering temperate rainforest and especially the arbutus and cedar trees. Whenever I look at trees I feel connected with a silent intelligence I cannot comprehend. I love the way trees reflect their journeys through time. The twist of their branches, the knot of their roots, are keys to their individual stories. Much like our bodies can reflect our experiences to those perceptive and experienced enough.

Yoga is the practice of going deeper into self inquiry and self acceptance, which leads to increased understanding and transformation. All of my life, like many others, I have struggled with a judgemental inner voice that never finds anything I do or make good enough. When I am on the mat, I naturally meet this voice. Often attached to this voice are a knot of intense feelings hovering just below the surface. I have often experienced that when I sit with these feelings, locate them in my body and focus on them, I eventually feel them loosening and dissipating. Sometimes I find myself crying and shaking afterwards. Sometimes I feel a surge of strong energy and motivation to accomplish something.

The other day I evoked a deep grief, which I have carried since early childhood. The pain was very intense and manifested later as an overreaction. The wound revealed itself again. Instead of pushing myself to practice power yoga this week, I am spending these days focussing on restorative yoga to support this fragile place to remain open.

Yoga is indeed the trip of a lifetime, and one that takes us back to our roots so that we may continue to grow and transform and blossom.

Taking time for rest

I struggle a lot with the rest and restorative aspects of yoga. I love teaching these vital elements, but have more difficulty living them. Such as today. I have been fighting off some kind of bug for a few days. My energy is low. I go through periods of feeling queasy and fuzzy-headed. Just when I am ramping up my own practice, illness steps in.

So today I will accept that I need rest and quiet time. Today I will make my practice one of radical trust. I have often heard that sometimes the best way to speed up is to slow down. So today will include a recommended sequence of standing forward bend, supported bridge pose, legs up to the wall pose, bound angle pose, reclining twist and widespread forward bend. I will see how that helps.

Also recommended is Siberian ginseng (can't find it here in the backwaters of Denmark), so vitamin C and echinacea will have to do. Stress plays a key role in the suppression of the immune system along with inadequate exercise, too high an intake of caffeine and alcohol and an inadequate diet. Research has shown that healthy bodies exposed to cold and flu viruses will not contract them. Therefore, when you catch a virus it is a telltale sign that your immune system is not functioning optimally. Interesting. This means I will have to work on calming my system down.

I have been struggling with my stress response to underemployment, learning a new language and the deep sadness I feel due to my grandmother's sudden decline into dementia. My challenge to myself is to not judge myself for my struggles and stress, but to accept that sometimes my situation is challenging and emotionally difficult. I need to find better ways of nurturing myself, marking another new territory to explore.